If you want to be an innkeeper you should first become a plumber. We own 34 toilets, 29 bathtubs, a hundred thousand miles of water pipes, a gazillion kilometers of plastic tubing woven throughout our floor, 22 faucets made in the former East Germany with replacement parts also formerly made, and a fire suppression system which doubles as a communal shower for everyone in the building when Room #121 decides it would be romantic to light multiple large, vanilla-scented candles in their room for their 24th anniversary. This must be the Sheets On Fire Anniversary, which makes surviving to your 25 year Diamond Anniversary quite an accomplishment.
I am not a plumber, but have become a hell of a plunger. I have a completely worthless degree for this business in Gym Teacher with a Master’s in Nutrition, which actually does come in handy when I am eating fists full of cookie dough, which only means I am smart enough to know better.
There are far too many plumbing related topics to cover in one puny blog post. Today, I will cover Water Pouring Through Ceilings, because that is what is happening as we speak. Toilets Overflowing and Creepy Tales From the Crawlspace will have to be covered at a later date.
You may ask, if water is pouring through the ceiling, why in the world is she at her desk, blogging? Since I am not a plumber, I have done all I can do. I placed a bucket under said leak, called the plumber, and can now sit around and act like nothing is really happening. (Acting non-chalant in this business is very important, even when drunks are throwing the dining room furniture.)
Today’s dripping is minor compared to the time it came pouring through the ceiling in the bar while we were hosting a photography workshop. There were about fifteen people sitting in the bar, all with very expensive photographic equipment, slide projectors, computers and cocktails when the wave hit. I ran upstairs to check the guestroom above the bar. I could hear singing in the shower, and sloshing. The gentleman in the room had left the shower curtain out, and had slpashed about like a water buffalo until there was six inches of water on the floor.
Since that day, we have posted the following instructions next to all the tubs, which is required reading before showering because you will be tested.